Road Trip
by Flutie2891
Summary: Honestly, Sakura couldn't take those idiots anywhere. Team 7 plus Sai.


**A/N-** A little oneshot that I speed-wrote about a week ago; it got some good feedback on livejournal, so I hope you guys like it too. All criticism is welcome.

**Warnings**- Um, _slight_ Naruto abuse (I love him, I swear, but I couldn't help writing it), Sakura being PMS-y, a few swear words, and _heavy_ abuse of italics and dialogue. Also, Sai goes this whole fic without making a penis joke. My bad.

**Disclaimer**- I don't own Naruto. I know, I'm shocked, too.

---

"Do you think we should turn here?"

"I think you're gonna do it anyway, so why bother asking?"

Sakura shot a death glare at the dark haired boy in the seat next to her, almost missing the turn for her trouble. "If you don't have anything _constructive_ to add, Sasuke-kun, then don't say anything at all."

"Now, now, Sakura, road rage can be a dangerous thing; don't go losing your temper now."

"Same goes for you, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Actually, Sakura-chan, you _are _going kind of fast; maybe you should calm down a little…"

"Well, it'd be a lot easier to be calm if I didn't have four idiots blabbering at me the whole time."

"…Ah, Naruto-kun, is Sakura-san experiencing the 'PMS' that you told me about before?"

"Experiencing _what_?!" Sakura whipped around to aim her glare at Naruto and Sai, unfortunately forgetting to let go of the steering wheel as she turned.

"SAKURA, CAR!"

"Wha- OH SH-" Sakura swerved back into her lane, narrowly avoiding the car she had almost rear-ended.

"This is why there should be no talking!" Sakura shrieked, clutching the steering wheel for dear life. "Driving is stressful enough without you guys distracting me."

"If you dislike driving so much, Sakura-san, then perhaps one of us should drive. Sasuke-kun-"

"Got his license suspended for doing _twenty miles_ _over_ the speed limit. In a _school zone_."

"The lights weren't even flashing yet! How was I supposed to know I needed to slow down?"

"The fact that there were kids walking on the sidewalks wasn't a big enough clue?"

"I thought they were just ditching out early or something."

"They were _kindergarteners_! What kind of kindergartener skips school?"

"…A bad one."

"…That was the lamest comeback _ever_. What, have you been taking lessons from Naruto?"

"Yeah- hey! That's mean, Sakura-chan!"

"Whatever. And before you ask, Sai, Kakashi-sensei can't drive because he tries to steer and read his porn at the same time, despite the fact that he's already finished the book, like, five times. I honestly have no idea how he's managed not to hit anybody yet."

"Skill," Kakashi chimed, never looking up from his little green book.

"Well, what about Naruto-kun?"

"…"

"…"

"…You've never ridden with Naruto, have you, Sai-kun?"

"Well, no, Kakashi-san."

"Obviously not, sensei, or the thought wouldn't even cross his mind."

"Oh, come on! I'm a good driver!"

"Being able to make a U-turn at forty miles an hour doesn't make you a good driver, it makes you insane."

"You're just jealous because you get caught every time you break a traffic law."

"…Shut up, moron."

"Jerk."

"Dumbass."

"Queer-bait."

"Son of a-" Sasuke twisted in his seat, trying to get his hands around Naruto's neck, only to be jerked back when his seatbelt lock activated.

"Ha ha, smooth move, genius."

As Sasuke was trying desperately to undo his seatbelt (nothing in Sakura's old clunker worked like it was supposed to), Sakura made a sharp left, cut across three lanes of traffic, and pulled into the parking lot of a gas station, causing him to slam his head into the his window.

"Geez, what the hell, Sakura?"

"Was that really necessary, Sakura-san?" Sai, too, had gone face-first into the side of the car.

"Ugh, help! I'm sandwiched between Porn Man and Penis Boy!"

"…That was a little harsh, Naruto."

"_Silence_."

All four of them snapped their mouths shut, trying very hard not to cower in fear of the pink haired woman in the front seat who was now taking deep, measured breaths to calm herself down. Four counts of murder, after all, would definitely look bad on her résumé.

"Sasuke-kun, get out of the car."

"…Huh?"

"_Now_."

"You've got to be kidding, Sakura, I-"

He took one glance at the evil, bone-chilling glare she was sending him and decided that it would be best to exit the vehicle voluntarily before she threw him out of the window and then made him pay for it later. He finally managed to disentangle himself from the seatbelt and almost fell out of the car.

Almost, because even when fleeing a woman's wrath, Uchiha Sasuke did not _fall _anywhere.

"Good boy. Now, Kakashi-sensei, you've kind of behaved yourself so far, so you get to sit in the front seat. Sasuke, take his seat."

"Yes, ma'am."

Sasuke's obedient attitude would have been enough blackmail fodder to last Naruto _years_… if the blond hadn't been silently praying that Sakura wasn't going to stuff him into the trunk with their luggage.

As soon as everyone was buckled in again, Sakura took one last deep breath. "Okay. Now, there will be no talking for the rest of the ride. Sai, don't say _anything_. Naruto and Sasuke, don't even _look _at each other. Kakashi-sensei, you just keep behaving yourself and read your porn quietly. And I swear, if _any one _of you so much as _thinks _of making a nuisance of yourself, I will pull this car over, dump all four of you, and you can _walk _the rest of the way back to Konoha. Are we clear?"

Four very nervous heads nodded quickly.

"Good. Now, I'm going in to get a Pepsi and some cookies. Nobody touches anything while I'm gone."

Naruto raised a tentative hand as she undid her seatbelt.

"I'm not buying you anything, Naruto."

"I know, Sakura-chan, but… are you going to at least crack a window while you're gone? So we don't, you know… suffocate?"

Sakura considered this for a few moments. "Eh, okay." She rolled down her window about half way before getting out and locking the doors behind her.

---

Naruto squirmed, causing both Sai and Sasuke to glare at him.

"What's your problem?" Sasuke whispered.

"…Nothing." Naruto whispered back.

(Nobody questioned why they were talking in hushed tones; somehow, they all _knew_ that Sakura could still hear them from inside the gas station.)

"What's wrong, Naruto?" Kakashi asked coaxingly.

"…I gotta pee."

"…No."

"But I'll just be a minute!"

"No, Naruto, she'll see you and kill us all."

"No, she won't! Sakura-chan always takes, like, ten minutes to decide what kind of cookies she wants; as long as I stay hidden, I can be in and out before she even gets back!"

"Sorry, Naruto-kun, but there is no way you're getting out of this car."

"Sai-kun is right; she'll know if you do."

"How?!"

"The same way any woman knows anything- she'll just _know_. Now shut up and hold it."

"…But I really gotta go!"

"No!"

"…She'll be even more pissed if I pee her seats."

"_We'll _be even more pissed if you pee her seats."

"So let me go!"

"Fine!" Sasuke unlocked his door and shoved it open, not bothering to get up. "But when you get caught, we're saying that you bolted on your own despite us trying to stop you."

"Yeah, whatever." Naruto tried to clamber over Sasuke's legs to freedom; it didn't help that he was trying to maneuver with a full bladder and Sasuke's knees were practically in his face because of the cramped backseat. "Geez, why is Sakura-chan's car so freaking _small_?"

"Just shut up and get out," Sasuke said, jerking his head to avoid Naruto's flying elbow. Sai, realizing the futility of the situation, did what, in his opinion, was the most helpful thing possible at the moment- he placed a hand on Naruto's rear-end (which was practically in his face at this point) and _pushed_. Naruto, in-keeping with the laws of physics, flew in the opposite direction- out of the car and face-first into the asphalt.

After wiping his scuffed-up hands on his pants, he turned around and pointed a bloody, accusing finger at the smiling boy. "You- you just grabbed my ass! What the _hell_, man?!"

"Just shut up and go, moron, before Sakura comes back." Sasuke was already reaching for the door to pull it closed.

"Hey, who are you calling a-"

"GO!"

Naruto picked himself up and, after scanning the gas station through its windows for Sakura's pretty pink head, made a mad dash for the entrance.

Sasuke pulled the door shut and hoped that Sakura would be in a more forgiving mood after having her caffeine and chocolate.

---

Sakura looked appraisingly at the array of cookies on the shelf in front of her, swinging her bottle of Pepsi at her side. Did she want Chips Ahoy today, or was she more in the mood for Oreos? Or, maybe, did she feel like spending the extra cash for some of those fancy Milano cookies? Her eyes wandered down to where the large bags of cookies sat, to a six-pack of extra large Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate chip cookies- enough for each of the boys to have one, and two for her, because she was paying after all, and she deserved it anyway…

Wait, no! She was mad at them, and people didn't buy cookies for people they were mad at.

…Oh, who was she kidding? It was impossible to stay mad at her boys. Sure, Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-kun made her want to strangle them because of their stupid snark, Naruto was obnoxious as hell, and poor Sai was just so socially retarded that it hurt, but they were all endearing in their own little ways.

Great, now she was starting to forgive them. Well, crap.

She picked up the bag of chocolate chip cookies, along with some Oreos for later. Balancing the two packages in one hand and the Pepsi between the fingers of the other, she walked to the back of the store to pick up a bottle of water- the chocolate would dry their mouths out and there was no way she was sharing her soda. If they didn't like it, tough.

As she opened the freezer door, she caught a glimpse of bright yellow over the top of one of the aisles, but by the time she had spun her head to look at it, it had disappeared. Ah well, her mind must be playing tricks on her again…

She glanced back at the spot, only to see an unmistakable garishly orange t-shirt disappear into the men's bathroom.

Her grip on the pack of cookies tightened, almost crushing them.

Somebody was about to die.

---

Naruto sighed in relief as he washed his hands; he felt so much _better_! Now all he had to do was get past Sakura-chan and back into the car. Throwing away the paper towels, he cracked the restroom door open just enough to get a good view of the whole store. He didn't see Sakura… _probably in the bathroom_, he thought. Confident, he swung the door the rest of the way open, walked out-

-And was slammed across the head by the biggest bottle of water he had ever seen.

He flew into the wall a few feet away and slid down into a twitching heap on the floor. Sakura- or rather Sakura and her new twin sister- glared down at him, before dropping the aforementioned tremendously large water bottle on him.

Naruto was extremely glad that he had already used the bathroom.

"And to _think _that I almost bought cookies for you!" Sakura turned on her heel and stormed up to the cash register.

---

"Holy- did you see that?!"

"Huh? See what?"

"Sakura just decked Naruto with this huge bottle of water," Sasuke reported, laughing shamelessly. "It was perfect- he even walked right into it!"

"...Naruto's pain shouldn't bring you so much joy, Sasuke."

"You'd be laughing too if you had seen it."

"Is Naruto-kun getting up?" Sai asked, trying to see through Sasuke's window.

"Not yet- oh wait, there he goes. He's going after her- and he trips on the water bottle." Sasuke chuckled evilly. "Man, I wish I had a camera."

---

The cashier stared at Sakura oddly as she placed her things on the counter. Sakura stared right back, wondering when he was planning to ring up her purchase. After she had cleared her throat for the third time, he finally snapped back to reality.

"So, um…" he started, scanning the soda. "Do you know that guy?"

"Unfortunately."

"…Is he going to be okay? I mean, he's not getting up."

"No, he'll be fine. His skull's pretty thick, after all."

"Yeah… but you did hit him kind of hard. Like, _really _hard."

"Oh, well, I played softball for a few years in high school, so…"

"Really?" He waited for the receipt to print out. "What position?"

"Outfield my first two years and pinch hitter my third."

"I can tell."

Sakura giggled as she took the bag from him. "Thanks. Have a nice day!"

"Yeah, you too," he called to her retreating back. He looked at the blond boy still sprawled across the chip aisle as the chime on the door announced the girl's exit. "You can get up now; she's gone." The other boy raised his head a few inches, before pushing himself to his feet. He had a red mark on his temple from where she had smacked him.

"Heh, sorry about the mess," the other boy said with a sheepish grin as he rubbed his head. "I can clean it up, if you want me to…"

"Actually, you'd better get going; I think she's leaving you."

"What?!" Sure enough, Sakura's car was pulling out of the parking lot and into traffic. The boy in the back with the spiky black hair seemed to be laughing his ass off about something.

"No, Sakura-chan, wait for me!" The cashier laughed as the blond all but flew out of the door and across the parking lot. It was days like this that he loved his job.

---

(For those of you wondering, Sakura _did_ let Naruto back into the car... eventually.)


End file.
